Monday, January 12, 2009
8:47 PM ● WHY?


edited. this picture suits the post better.
is it because i'm from an all girls school?
is it because i think too much, too far?
it is because i dont understand people?
it is because i'm bored?
it is because i'm trying so hard to be high?
or is it because the past experiences wasnt the best?
which made me fearful?
can i blame you? blame you for making me feel that even if people very nice to you, sms you constantly, it all meant nothing to them? maybe they are just being friendly?

kept telling myself.
" the way people treat you, its just the way they treat others. no matter how nice they are to you, you are just another friend. maybe closer friend. nobody thought of something else. just dont read too much into it."

maybe, this is the excuse for me, one that allows me to be so friendly, and high with everyone, almost anyone. but, there are many times, i think and i thought. is this right, maybe yes. i'm just replying them, i really enjoy all the company. but. sometimes, it does come to mind that i'm flirting. yes. it does. but, i dont know.. really get quite lost at times. you are the one. the one that made me feel that its okay to have fun. anyway, i'm single and available. but, one question. when will i fall in love again? i really want to settle down and feel loved, to love.. but, i dont think i can. at least not now. anyway, who can accept having a gf that have fun anywhere, one that can ignore the fact about going out just a girl and a guy, or whatever others might say. (but of cause, i feel comfortable with these people. comfortable enough that i enjoy their company.) i also always tell myself this.
"we're alr in polytechnic. 1 girl and 1 guy go out lunch very weird meh?"
this is to convince myself, why bother so much about the gender? even if its girl and girl, can also fall in love what.
RAHHHH i hate being emo.
and now, i'm learning, learning to do many things alone. walking to get things done, staying back to print my stuffs, taking bus. guess it doesnt matter anymore. everyone have to grow up.
and, its not that i still love you. seriously. i said i give up and i did. just, maybe the memories were close enough to get my heart dead.

xxxxxx

( Run back to me!. )